Anyone still out there? I wouldn't blame you if you weren't! I've been appalling at keeping this page updated over 2012.
Suffice to say 2012 has been a terrible year for me. I've been undergoing therapy for the depression that's taken hold since finishing uni, and the insane amount of life stress over the past couple of years. Things have gone from bad to worse on the employment front, with only occasional moments of respite with short term contracts. Some days are better than others. Some days I get up, have a really productive day, and others I just think about how good it would be to be productive, and just have total apathy about doing anything. Some days I genuinely think I'm losing my mind. Those moments are terrifying.
Things are endlessly frustrating, especially since I know all the mental crap is all a new development. I've always been motivated. I've always been striving towards goals, excited about projects, working on several things at one time just for fun and generally enjoying life. Now sometimes I'm lucky if I even enjoy walking into town. It's sad really and I'm sure I will eventually get better. I just don't know how. Physically, I've never been in worse shape. I have ongoing physical ailments that pretty much go hand in hand with the depression and anxiety. I don't want to be 'that girl' who whines and inflicts negativity on the world, but I'm really hoping 2013 will be better. I want to feel proud of myself by the end of 2013. I don't want to be constantly analysing every minuscule, inconsequential thought that enters my head or always be worrying about my health. I don't want to be constantly feeling like every day is yet another wasted day. I don't want to hurt anymore.
I'm sorry, this wasn't supposed to be an emo post. Today's not been great. Tomorrow's not looking much better. But I guess we'll wait and see. You never know.